


A Reunion

by takastucci_sen



Series: Bittersweet [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Canon Compliant, GhoulHideWeek2016, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:58:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8581201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takastucci_sen/pseuds/takastucci_sen
Summary: Perhaps false hope leads to disappointment, or to nothing. They wouldn't know.





	1. An Encounter

To be completely honest, Kaneki didn't know what to expect. In his mind, reuniting with his best friend would be some sort of grand event, back at the sewers or saving him from some type of danger like he did so long ago. Some kind of extravagant, dramatic moment that would fit how he felt their relationship was. 

 

But instead he finds him at the park they went to as children, on top of that plastic whale staring at the moon seemingly in a daze. More symbolic than extravagant, if anything. 

 

At first he wouldn't have thought it was him. As far as he knew, Hide was long dead for giving his life for his in the sewers. Yet there he was. Kaneki didn't know wether to cry from happiness or laugh because he thought he was hallucinating. He didn't know how to wrap around the idea of Hide being alive before him, breathing, completely in tact. No missing limbs or scars. Meaning that he didn't kill him all of those years ago. 

 

And for the first time ever, he had no idea how to approach him. He assumed Hide would sense his presence and welcome him with a smile or a hug, but there was…nothing. 

 

He wanted to say something. Greet him, ask him what he was doing, something, but words fell flat. Instead, the only thing he could say was, “Hide?”

 

That made the man perk up slightly and remove an earbud from his ear. Again, Kaneki expected his eyes to light up in excitement and for him to greet him, but still nothing. He just turned around and stared at him. No smile. No…anything really. Just a blank face. 

 

“Kaneki.” It wasn't so much of a question as it was an acknowledgment, like noticing the sky was grey. 

 

“It's…” Good to know you're alive? What are you doing out here? How are you not dead? “Nice to see you.” He decided. 

 

“You too.” Hide’s voice was rather dry, as was the rest of his appearance. Kaneki usually associated Hide with the bright colors of his jacket or headphones. Or even the obnoxious yellow that was his hair. It felt odd for him to be clad in completely dark colors, ones that he usually dressed in. Even his hair was a rather dull shade of brown, and put up in a rather messy ponytail. When had it grown out? When had the color faded?  
He even fully registered that those were earbuds and not his bright orange headphones he used to wear around his neck. 

 

Kaneki cleared his throat, waiting for Hide to say something else, but the other only continued to stare at him with completely blank eyes. What was the proper thing to say at this moment? Ask him how he's alive? What he's been doing? Why he looked so dull?

 

“How have you been? It's been a long time.”

 

Hide shrugged. “Dunno. Tired, I guess?”

 

“I see…” 

 

There was a beat, then that beat became a pause, then the pause went back to full silence. Hide had never been this quiet before, he had noticed. He’d usually have a pause in between a joke or having a more serious moment, but nothing more than that. It felt like a longer moment of him being serious, and he would be lying if he thought he wasn’t expecting Hide to just bounce back. 

 

More silence. 

 

“Do you mind if I sit with you?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Kaneki was sure that moment he got on the whale was meant to feel nostalgic. That he was supposed to flashback to the days when they were children, being up in the weird hours of the morning talking about whatever. He was sure Hide would feel the same, and they would start doing that again.

 

Instead there was a thick air of...something. As a former literature student he felt he should’ve had some type of word for it. Dread? Anger? Bitterness? 

 

“So you've been busy.” Hide finally said something. 

 

“Yeah, I have, I'm glad you're safe though.”

 

Was that the right thing to say? Years ago he only cared about making sure Hide never got involved in anything he did, but that didn't work out. Since Hide was alive, shouldn't he try harder to make sure he's safe again?

 

For some reason that wouldn't feel right. 

 

“Safe? That's a word you could use for it.” 

 

As long as Hide was here, he was safe, right? Living a normal life. Probably finished college. Working a normal, safe job. Somehow able to recover from him…eating him. 

 

“I'm glad, though.” He placed his hand on his chin. “It's good to know you're okay.”

 

Hide’s eyes hardened. 

 

He was taken aback. Yet another thing he didn't expect. He didn't know his eyes could harden. 

 

Kaneki tried to wipe any signs of being uncomfortable off his face and gave him a small smile. 

 

Hide chuckled rather humorlessly. “That's  
pretty subjective, Kaneki. As long as I'm not bleeding out, I'm okay, right?”

 

A beat. 

 

“Sorry, that was tasteless.” Hide said, his eyes softening a bit. 

 

Oh, it was a joke. 

 

“No, it's fine. I just didn't get it.”

 

Hide’s face fell. Kaneki then realize he had a half smile on his face, though now it was gone. The air felt heavy again. Humid, even. They weren't saying anything, and it was strange. Off? Uncanny? Was that right?

 

“It's late, Hide, shouldn't you be at home?”

 

Another beat. Then silence. 

 

Kaneki tried again. 

 

“I mean, you should be sleeping. You said you were tired, after all.”

 

“I'm only out here because I can't sleep.” Hide put both of the earbuds down and sighed. “Stuff has been crazy lately and I've been restless.”

 

“What kind of stuff?”

 

“Helping a friend. Doing things that may or may not have been for the greater good. Hell if I know or care.”

 

They fell into silence again. Kaneki wasn't sure how to process it. He wanted to ask Hide to elaborate, but he never had to in the past. 

 

Then again, did Hide ever tell him anything in the past? The more he thought about it, the more it felt like he didn't. It was never “what's wrong, Hide?” Or “How are you doing, Hide” It was always “What's wrong, Kaneki?”

 

Selfless. Far too selfless. 

 

Did he ever see Hide sad? Even once?  
He couldn't remember. 

 

“What happened? You can tell me.”

 

Then Hide’s eyes darkened. “No. I can't.”

 

Kaneki felt his heart sink. Has Hide ever snapped at him before? Hardened his voice? Glared at him? He felt bad. 

 

“I'm sorry, I can drop it-”

 

“Don't apologize. Please don't apologize.”

 

He opened his mouth to speak. Tell Hide that he could talk to him about anything, assure that he could help him…but, nothing. 

 

Hide melted down and put his hand on his face in frustration. “Dammit. I'm sorry, I just…” words seemed to have escaped him too. There was a beat, then a pause, then he reached a hand out and touched his face. His eyes were much softer, familiar. 

 

Hide must've seen everything in his eyes, and for the first time he saw Hide’s eyes. How tired he was, no, how exhausted he was. How the usual olive green had dulled. How he looked like he hadn't slept well in months. 

 

Has Hide ever looked this tired before? Even when college first started? Finals in high school, ever? Kaneki knew he hadn't. Why was he just now noticing this?

 

Hide took a silent breath and weakly smiled. “I want to tell you. There's so much I want to tell you.” His eyes averted. “But I can't. You'll get worried and leave with that whole martyr complex being your reason.”

 

A beat. 

 

“I'm an idiot. You know that right? Doing everything I can to help you even if you've probably forgotten all about me. Maybe cause it was hard to live without you. Maybe cause you were the only thing that ever mattered to me. I don't know.”

 

Kaneki almost wanted to argue with him. I haven't forgotten about you. I just wanted you to be okay. I wanted you to forget about me. 

 

Nothing came out. 

 

He continued. “It's weird, you know. How people see you on the outside. It almost makes you envy what they see, try to become that person until you don't care anymore.” His smile faded. “In reality Kaneki, this is all there is.”

 

Hide took another breath as tears began to fall from his eyes. “I never wanted to worry you. You had more than enough on your plate already. Hell, you still do. Even now, I hesitated to seek you out in my own. I knew you wouldn't like what you saw, and turn back to the people who make you happy. You wouldn't need me anymore.”

 

For a moment, Kaneki remembered his vision of Hide. When he told him how lonely he was without him. He then  
realized he never told Hide how much he truly meant to him. He never noticed those looks of sadness Hide had whenever he left his empty house when they were children. The way his eyes were always dark, and the light he saw back then was only around him. The fact that Hide went through so much just to reassure he was alive. 

 

That Hide needed him. 

 

Yet he never noticed. 

 

Not for the first time he felt like an awful friend. 

 

Kaneki didn't know what to do to make the situation better. He wasn't like Hide, he couldn't say something dumb to get him to feel better. Touch his shoulder? Say something he would like?

 

He knew. 

 

He wiped the tears from his face, and pulled him into a hug. 

 

A beat, a pause, then full silence. A comfortable silence. Words didn't need to be said. 

 

He needed Hide and Hide needed him. That's all that needed to matter. 

 

The silence broke when Kaneki finally spoke. 

 

“I'm sorry. Honestly. I'm…really lonely without you too, Hide. I thought…I killed you…back then. So it was-”

 

“I already told you not to apologize.” Hide cut in. His voice wasn't hard, just the same dull, tired tone it was before. “It was my choice to help you. And honestly I wouldn't change it. You're alive aren't you?”

 

“Y…yes.”

 

“And that's all I ever cared about.” 

 

Hide sat up more and Kaneki fully noticed that Hide had grown noticeably taller than him. His eyes were drawn to the exposed parts of his skin. Though, something didn't add up. Hide confirmed that he ate him, so why weren't there any markings?

 

“I should get going. I think sleep deprivation is finally catching up with me.”

 

His heart ached. 

 

“You can come back with me, Hide. I'm sure my group would welcome you.”

 

“I can't, Kaneki. I know I wouldn't have a place there.”

 

“But-”

 

“Really, it's okay. I'm happy enough knowing you still care about me.” He gave him a rather hollow smile. “Just promise that you'll come visit? Or at least talk to me?”

 

There was no hesitation. 

 

“Of course.”

 

Hide’s smile felt more genuine. “Then, I should go. I…I’m glad I saw you tonight, Kaneki.”

 

With that he got up, and left. 

 

Kaneki watched him walk out of the park, before he blended in with the rest of the night. His heart felt lighter, but he still didn't understand everything Hide said. Even if he wanted to come back with him, he should've known it was dangerous. 

 

Still, he hadn't expected for Hide to say no. He didn't expect for Hide to continue to be distant and…vague. 

 

He shrugged the feeling off, then began to head back to his apartment. Though one question lingered in his mind. 

 

How did Hide know about what was going on with him?


	2. A Thought

What was Kaneki to him?

 

Hide was wondering this while laying down in bed, waiting to fall asleep. He didn't know where the question had come from, he didn't even know where the train of thought of Kaneki came from. 

 

Oh yeah, it was always there. 

 

Seeing Kaneki again was taxing. More taxing than it was a happy reunion. He'd wanted to see Kaneki for years, yet that's all that happened. He spilled his emotions and all he gave him was a hug and asked him to join him. He felt…cheated somehow. 

 

Maybe he was hoping their reunion would be more reunion-like. Even if it wouldn't be exactly how it was four years prior, it would be something. Talking more, revealing more, finally being more open. But he just couldn't. He had no idea what had stopped him. Exhaustion? Lack of preparation? He didn't quite know. 

 

No, that wasn't true. For the years he's been away from Kaneki he knew the first thing he wanted to do was tell him everything. About his family, what he knew, what he could do to help him. Yet he said nothing. 

 

He acted cold to the only person he cared about. Acted like he wasn't happy to see him until he eventually started crying. Then left without another word. How pathetic of him. 

 

In retrospect, he should've tried harder. Made Kaneki feel warmth or still at home with him before talking to him. Made a joke, tried harder to smile, but all he did was act selfish, selfish and cold. 

 

What had these years done? Made him stop trying?

 

To Kaneki it might've seemed like he had all of the light sucked out of him. Part of him was glad about that, making it seem more like wasn't always a bitter person. 

 

Maybe because bitter didn't mean hateful. 

 

The more he thought about it, he never once hated someone or something for no reason. When he was completely alone in the 20th ward, he didn't have it in him to hate his mother and father for not being there with him When meeting his father for the first time while he was on his deathbed, he couldn't hate him for not being there during his childhood. After finding out that Kaneki was being used as a pawn in a bigger plot, he didn't hate the Owl or Arima Kishou for doing that to him. 

 

Perhaps he had Kaneki to thank for that. 

 

Was that what friendship was?

 

He had always admired Kaneki for being such a kind person and loving him no matter what, but that night made him think more about that. He saw the look in Kaneki's eyes, how happy he was to see him before it faded away. For the first time, Kaneki tried to comfort him. Him of all people. 

 

Kaneki only liked what he saw, just like everyone else, right? He had to pretend for Kaneki. Pretend not to be bitter about his constant situation and hide his loneliness around him. Be the best friend, that was his role. 

 

Haha, it made sense now. 

 

Maybe he wasn't used to Kaneki being a friend to him in return. 

 

After all of the years they spent together, he was never used to the concept of friendship. Some type of mutual connection was the definition he was used to. You like them, they like you. They put up with you, simple as that. 

 

But Kaneki did care, even if he wasn't great at showing it. He did want him to come back with him, he was lonely without him, yet he said no. 

 

Selfish. Selfish and bitter, that's all he was. 

 

With that thought his eyes began to shut. 

 

Friends. Best friends. That wasn't very true was it?

 

He needed Kaneki. He needed him and he did everything he could to be near him. Friendship was a mutual connection, but Hide knew it was far deeper than that. 

 

He smiled.

 

Kaneki wasn't his best friend, he was his other half.


	3. A Talk

“You came?”

 

“I said I would.”

 

“To be honest, I didn’t think you would keep your word.”

 

Already off to a great start. 

 

Finding Hide’s apartment was a challenge in of itself, since the man was so great at covering his tracks. Kaneki didn’t even know where to start looking for him after their reunion. Thinking back on it, he should’ve asked for his address or gotten leads from somewhere, instead he wandered somewhat aimlessly for three weeks looking for him. Now he found himself in a rather secluded apartment building that seemed almost empty. Oddly fitting for Hide.

 

Standing at the doorway, Hide gave him the same vacant stare from a few weeks prior and a familiar feeling of dread filled him. Of course Kaneki wouldn’t admit being scared of seeing Hide again. He didn’t know what would happen if one of them broke down or didn’t know what to say again. It was too uncomfortable last time. Like the type of feeling one would get from meeting with a teacher right after they failed a test. 

 

“You can come in. Sorry. I spaced.”

 

Maybe in the past he was more used to Hide speaking up. 

 

“No, it’s alright.” He placed his hand on his chin. 

 

“You still haven’t broken that habit.” 

 

He doesn’t think he ever will. 

 

The interior of the apartment was pretty odd, much like the rest of the building. A kitchenette and a couch, that was pretty normal. As were the halls leading to the bedroom and washroom. The strangest thing were the maps and papers that littered the floor in some type of organized chaos, as well as the bulletin board with pictures of various locations that were scribbled out with marker.

 

Hide stared at the mess and frowned. “Sorry, if I knew you were coming I would’ve cleaned up.” He placed some of the papers on the coffee table. “Do you want anything? I think I’ve gotten better at making coffee, if you want some of that.”

 

Kaneki felt a small smile tug at his cheeks. “That would be nice.”

 

The sounds of water boiling and cups shuffling felt very nostalgic. The times they went Anteiku came back. Back then he would read and Hide would complain about how boring the books he read. Simpler times, before Rize, Aogiri, the CCG, Goat.

 

“Sorry if it isn't that good. It's the instant stuff.”

 

Hide stood in front of the couch with two cups in his hands, and set one on the table. 

 

“No it's fine. Thank you.”

 

A comfortable silence followed. The coffee wasn't bad, Hide had gotten better. Probably from practice. It still had the slight bitterness that his coffee always had. 

 

“I'll be blunt Kaneki. What brought you here tonight?”

 

He flinched. 

 

“I know it isn't because you wanted to see me. So can we make it quick?” Hides voice was surprisingly calm despite the venom dropping from his words. 

 

“If it makes you feel better, I'm here on business.”

 

Hide set his cup down and sat on the couch. “Let me guess, someone spilled my name and you want answers?”

 

Kaneki hesitated briefly, then nodded. 

 

“God forbid you visit your friend because you actually care about him, right?”

 

“Hide, no I-”

 

“It doesn't matter. I give you answers, you leave and forget all about me until the time is right. If that's what you want, then I'll deliver.”

 

Kaneki didn't know what he wanted at that moment. Hide was his friend, what was he thinking?

 

“Okay.”

 

“So what do you need to know? Is it about something you figured I knew about?”

 

“It's about a few weeks ago, our talk.”

 

“Then you can drop the act.”

 

“Act?”

 

“I know you better than I know myself. I know you wouldn't need to act high and powerful if you just wanted to talk. Don't feel a need to justify coming to see me like it's awful that’s you’re here.”

 

The air seemed to clear more. That was the first thing Hide had said that almost felt like his old self, albeit more bitter. 

 

He wasn't surprised Hide could see right through him, he always could. Even when he didn't want him to. Maybe coming was a mistake, he should've prepared more, anything to feel less exposed. 

 

But Hide would've seen through that too. 

 

“Hide why were you there that night?”

 

“Sleep deprivation, didn't I say that?”

 

“You had but, I know there was more to it. We can talk. We haven't talked in years and I…”

 

“We haven't really talked at all.” Hide corrected. 

All Kaneki could do was nod. 

 

“And I know asking for answers is too much. So instead, we can just talk, I'll listen this time.”

 

“And this is business to you?”

 

“It's just as important.”

 

Hide weakly smiled. “So you finally figured it out, huh?”

 

“Not exactly. Like you said, someone dropped your name, and I wanted conformation.”

 

“You didn't believe him?”

 

“I couldn't believe him. Not at first, anyway.”

 

“So?”

 

Kaneki heavily sighed. “It's when I thought about that night. You confirmed I…ate you but…you were in one piece. I thought it was nothing at first. Why didn't you ever tell me?”

 

Hide’s face seemed to fall completely. “Probably the same reason you never told me. I was scared.”

 

He took a deep breath and continued. “You were human, Kaneki. You saw ghouls as monsters in human skin. I thought if you found out you would leave me and never come back. But…I never needed to tell you for that to happen.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Hide held a hand up. “No apologies tonight. We want to talk, so let's talk.”

 

Kaneki nodded. “I thought that you were safer, far away from me. That everyone was. When I saw you back then, it was terrifying. Like all of worst nightmares were coming true, Hide. I ate you. We both know I did. I thought I killed you.”

 

“Reel it in, Neki. I'm here. You didn't kill me. If you had, better that then Arima killing you. Though, from what I've heard, the tables turned with that one.”

 

The air felt stiff again. 

 

“Yeah, I guess.”

 

“Is it too much to ask why you did it?”

 

Hide wouldn't believe him if he tried to lie his way out of it, he knew him far too well. He was like a living lie detector for him. 

 

“You already know I didn't.”

 

“You caught me.” Hide’s voice felt dry. “Don't worry, I won't tell. We don't want to ruin your reputation.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Does anyone else know?”

 

Kaneki shrugged. “I’m making sure they don’t. They only trust me because they believe I did it.”

 

Hide’s eyes finally softened, out of fondness, perhaps. “Did you want this? The title, I mean.”

 

“I don’t know. Arima’s dying wish was for me to take the throne...so…”

 

“I didn’t ask what Arima wanted, I asked what Kaneki Ken wanted.”

 

He didn’t know what to say. 

 

Hide gave him a small smile and placed his hand on his shoulder. “You’ve always been like this, you know that right? Doing things because you felt like you had to.”

 

Kaneki put on a similar smile and shakily nodded. 

 

“Part of me was hoping you grew out of that too.”

 

“I haven’t changed much.”

 

“You’ve barely changed at all. The only thing that’s different is your body, and even that not by much.” 

 

That lingered for a few moments. 

 

“Hide, how did you know about all of this?”

 

“Do you want the real answer?”

 

“This is basically honesty hour. I’d prefer it.”

 

He gave him a heavy sigh. “I’ve been trying to keep tabs on you, making sure that the CCG didn’t do anything too bad to you.”

 

That explained the mess.

Kaneki chuckled briefly. “I guess that didn’t work out too well.”

 

“I thought it would, you seemed happy there.”

 

“I was only happy because I was living a sweet dream.”

 

Hide almost frowned at that, yet his face stayed rather…something. An emotion he couldn't quite read. 

 

Oh right. 

 

“Sorry. No being selfish tonight.”

 

“I didn't mind.”

 

“I did. You already know about what happened. I want to know what happened to you.” He tried to be blunt. 

 

Hide’s gaze seemed to have averted from him. 

 

Kaneki pushed further. “I feel selfish for deluding myself when it came to you. I knew if I came tonight that my image of you would be tarnished but…I'm willing to take it.”

 

Hide’s green eyes kept looking at the papers at the coffee table. “You already know about the not being human thing, isn't that enough?” 

 

“I don't find it fair that you know everything about me and I don't know anything about you. The nonhuman thing is a start.”

 

“Can I try to talk out of this?”

 

“King’s orders.”

 

“That doesn't work on me.”

 

“Then I'll ask as your friend, Hide. You can tell me everything, and I promise our relationship won't change.”

 

There was a long silence, one similar to that night. 

 

Finally Hide spoke. 

 

“If this is what you really want.”

 

“I’m certain.”

 

“Fine. I'll start off by confirming I am a Washuu. Only in blood.”

 

“You were born in the Sunlit Garden. “

 

“No, I'm a bastard child. Mom was just a normal woman who happened to get tangled with a man she knew was a ghoul. I wasn't an accident, an act of rebellion is a better term.”

 

“Rebellion?”

 

“You know how when we were teenagers and we did stupid shit as if to give a giant “fuck you” to adults?”

 

Kaneki nodded. 

 

“It was like that, according to her. She kept seeing dad, and dad kept seeing her just for rebellion. Mom died and left me alone with the memory of her and a safe place for me to grow up. Apparently dad knew I existed the whole time, and I just never got to meet him until about a month ago.”

 

“Is this when you were helping your friend?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How did it go?”

 

“If you consider killing him and sitting with him until you had to go well, than it went great.”

 

Kaneki did everything to hide the shock on his face. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Hide hesitated, then nodded. “It's not like I had to kill him, but I couldn't let a friend die because of something I knew. I thought it would be simple. I assumed I was just a random person to him and that he wouldn't recognize me as his son.”

 

There was some other type of emotion on Hide’s face. The closest Kaneki could read was sadness, though he knew it was deeper than that. 

 

Kaneki tried to smile and began to run Hide’s shoulder. “It seems like we're in a similar boat then.”

 

Hide gave a half hearted chuckle. “I guess.”

 

“Why did you stay with him?”

 

“He actually called me his child, the least I could do was take a moment to mourn. It was surreal, you know? Probably the most…anything I felt in years. I thought I was so far gone that killing my own father wouldn't bother me.”

 

Kaneki didn't know how to let that sink in. He didn't want to push Hide further, though. He felt like he told him enough. 

 

“I'm so sorry that happened.”

 

“No apologies. I'm glad I finally told you. Honestly, I've never felt closer to you.”

 

That feeling was mutual. It felt like that he was seeing Hide for the first time. Not seeing his personal sunshine or a person who existed to make him happy. He saw a person, a lonely person. But somehow it didn't bother him. 

 

“What are you Hide?”

 

“Not human, or a defect, if that's what you were worried about.”

 

“That's, ironic.”

 

Hide cracked a smile. “I'm glad his highness finds it funny.”

 

“That feels weird from you. Can we agree to no titles?”

 

“Only if you agree not to tell anyone about my “Washuu half ghoul” status.”

 

“It's a deal then.”

 

Hide’s smile widened. “Time flies. You should get going”

 

Kaneki smiled back at him. “I wanted to stay with you for the night, if it's alright with you.”

 

“You don't have to.”

 

“It's what I want, isn't that what you asked me to work on?”

 

Hide actually chuckled at that. “You can wear some of my night clothes then.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“I'm glad you came, Kaneki.”

 

“I'm glad we finally talked. We should do it more often.”

 

Hide nodded. “I’d like that”

 

The two of them were gifted with the best rest they'd had in years, side by side like they always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends this little project. I can't tell if I love or hate the final product, but this chapter was my favorite. I might make a whole series out of this, since I've taken a liking to this au.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this little adventure. Thank you for reading :3


End file.
